Title: Whispers in the Dark (4/7) PG-13
Author: Darshann (Kiss)
Spoilers: RPS, Surrender
Setting: post-RPS, pre-Surrender
Disclaimer: Women in love, who knew? Kim, Kerry, et al... not mine, but I WUV them.
Whispers in the Dark, part 4
"Oh My God... mmmphhfff... Kerry... mmmm... phis is woooonderful... ooooo... you're amazing!"
Her expression is to die for, such ecstasy on such a beautiful visage just can't be translated into words... My reaction, a deep full body blush of bewildered pride and embarrassment, goes unnoticed, a huge testament to her distraction.
"Really? You like this? I wasn't sure I did it quite right."
"Oh God no... its terrific, it's making me sweat!"
"Is it too hot?"
"I like it hot."
"Uh... sorry... got distracted."
"You should try this... here... let me do it."
"No, no.. I can do it... you just relax."
"You know at this rate, I'm never gonna let you leave."
"I bet you say that to all the girls who make you dinner."
"Yeah, all one of them."
"Really? I'm the first?"
"I think it must say somewhere in the Lesbian Handbook: 'Thou shalt not be a good cook, or men whilst swarm upon thee.' "
"There's a handbook?"
"I was kidding."
I hate it when I do that, but sometimes I just don't *get* American humor. One minute its literal, the next sarcastic... and here I thought, after all this time, I'd gotten the hang of it and then Kim comes along and now I have this whole other sub-culture humor to figure out. I mean, there *could* be a lesbian handbook... how would *I* know?
I peer down at my food, spicy chicken and vegetables scrounged from the various depths of Kim's kitchen and saved by my paranoia. If I hadn't brought half my kitchen with me, we really would have been in trouble. Lucky for us, I'm habitually more prepared then ... well... God...except when it comes to Kim. Nothing could have prepared me for her.
"Aren't you gonna eat that?" I look up and find Kim eyeing my plate with a ferocious hunger. She's so gorgeous, she makes my mouth go dry just looking at her.
She'd certainly picked out a great outfit. She's wearing a slinky black dress that clings to her curves as if it were a second skin. Her shoulders are bare, except for thin straps. In fact, while she's been devouring her food, I've been watching her shoulder and neck muscles rippling just beneath her velvety skin with a tireless fascination.
Who could resist a beautiful woman like this? I push my half-eaten plate of food towards her. "You can have the rest, I ate plenty when I was making it."
"..kay. Mmmmppffmmmm... sigh. Hmmm. Do you want to get in the hot tub after we clean up in here?"
Oh God, here it comes. "Uh... yeah... sure." Kim in a bathing suit, or even ... Kim naked... Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into!?
"It should be good and hot in there by now. You'll love it!"
Ok, stall. Try to stall and maybe it will get too late or she'll forget... "Shouldn't we wait for a while? I don't think you're supposed to get into a hot tub right after eating."
"That's swimming. You don't swim in a hot tub... least not mine... it's pretty cozy."
She's dangerous when she grins like that... reminds me of the big cats back in Africa... lazily surveying their next meal just before pouncing. God she's sexy... where did that come from? Wow, does she have a hold on my libido... Is it just Kim, or would other women have this effect on me? I'm not sure I ever really noticed this before... Though, I certainly never had another women look at me like that... so it isn't so surprising.
"When did you first know?"
"Know what, Kerry?"
".... that... I'm gay?"
I nod, noticing her grimace at my inability to form the words. Yeah I'm a coward... are we surprised?
Kim puts her fork down and finally pushes the plate away. Ah... now I see a way to distract her... serious-soul-searching discussion... Course, that could be just as dangerous as getting in a hot tub with her... maybe more so... Hmmm.
"It depends on what you mean by 'know'."
I shake my head, not understanding the reference.
She half-smiles in that psychiatrist-holier-than thou manner. "Well, there was the first time it occurred to me that I was more interested in girls than boys. Around 8. Course then, I don't think I even knew what gay *was* let alone identified as one."
Kim purses her lips and squints her eyes, looking up into space as she recall her long lost youth, "Then there's the first time I wondered if I was 'that way'... 13 and I denied it ... passionately... I would rather have been strung up by my zits, naked and screaming in front of all the world than admit to myself I was gay... "
Kim pauses and fixes me with a look I can't quite interpret. The moment hangs in the air unidentified and awkward, but after a second she shifts her gaze away and continues her narrative. "Then there was the moment I actually gave in and admitted it to myself as a high probability... 17... and boy, but that scared me... " Kim looks at me again. Oh, she's emphasizing points I might relate to... like her fear about coming out. Am I that obvious? She smiles and I wonder if she can hear my thoughts, it's a little creepy sometimes this connection we have, but I like it... I really like it.
Kim looks away again, "Mmmmm, it wasn't really until 20, in college, when I had my first kiss that I really 'knew'... and I guess that's what you mean. It was then that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was then and always had been - a lesbian."
"Because you kissed a woman?" The image of Kim kissing another woman has an odd effect on me... one of both titillation and raging jealousy. As I rarely allow myself to feel either emotion, this reaction seems quite foreign and I shift nervously in my chair.
"No, because of how it felt." My mind's eye flicks back to Kim kissing me in the car last week and I feel the sensations all over again. Does it feel like that to everyone? Or was it just Kim...?
"How did it feel?"
"Kerry!" She fixes me with one of her affectionate-but-scolding glares.
"Well, don't you think you know the answer to that question?"
"Oh..." She rolls her eyes and stops in a grin "I see."
"You're comparing notes, right? You're trying to see if my coming out revelations bear any resemblance to where you're at now... "
There's that half-smile again... this time it's more of the I-so-have-your-number-and you-can't-hide-from-me variety. She must practice those in the mirror. Fine... so she caught me.. that doesn't mean I have to give her the satisfaction... does it? I shrug.
"You're so cute."
I am? I feel my ears turn read and try to hide from her gaze by concentrating very hard on my hands. How can she be attracted to me? I'm so shy and ugly. This can't really be happening.
I look up again, half expecting Kim to dematerialize before my eyes, but instead find her gazing at me. Her chin casually resting on her beautifully large hands, elbows propped up on the table. She's waiting for me to ask the next question. Do I have anymore questions? Yeah... Only about a million.
"Uh... so that was it? You didn't question it at all after that?"
Kim chuckles and shakes her head slightly. "Of course I questioned it after that. When the entire universe tells you 'this can't be right' its more then a little difficult to find... mmmm... what's the word?"
"Yeah... I'm not sure we ever really get there 100%. I mean, sometimes even a man will come along that turns your head and your entire identity flies out the window for a week. Kinda scary."
"It isn't mutually exclusive you know."
"You like men too?" The image of Kim with a man has an even odder effect on me... jealousy just like before, but this time I don't find it arousing, it just makes me extremely nervous and .... angry.
"Well, sometimes... rarely. It's never worked for me... really. Believe me, I've tried."
"You're thinking about it too much."
"Kerry, your whole perception of yourself has been turned on its head.. it's going to be a while before it makes complete sense to you. Just let yourself feel it, the rest will come in its own time."
Tenderness floods me at her understanding. For a moment I feel like tears are going to break loose. God, what is happening to me? I look up and find myself sucked into her twin pools of blue. I want to share everything with her. "I don't like being so at a loss."
We're still for a moment, both savoring the intimacy of our conversation, our eyes silently dancing together.
Then Kim opens her mouth again. "If it helps at all, I'm at a loss too."
"Actually, no, I'd rather think you have this all figured out."
Kim laughs. "Well, I have my sexuality figured out, sure, but not this..." Kim waves her hand between us to indicate our ... whatever it is... "All I know is I'm very, very attracted to you and I really like being with you."
Her statement knocks the breath from me. I stare at my hands again, wishing like mad that I didn't blush so easily. I feel like a teenager again. I hated being a teenager...
I open my mouth to respond with an echo of her words, but nothing comes out. I shake my head to clear it and catch her smiling at me again, which makes me smile back. The words are falling from my mouth in a whisper, before I can stop myself. "You take my breath away."
For the first time that night, I witness Kim blush. Sensations of pride and arousal streak through my body and I feel like jumping up and shouting, 'I did that!'. Suddenly, confidence breaks over me in a wave of desire. A desire to step further out into the deep end and see if I can swim.
"I think I'm ready to get in the hot tub now."
Kim meets my gaze with an intensity that sends an erotic shiver down my spine. "Did you bring your bathing suit?"
I smile, knowing she's hoping I forgot it, but ... well... I just don't forget things very often... well, not things like that. "Yeah, it's in the bag I brought. Where can I change?"
The disappointment on her face is quickly shielded as she stands and moves to the counter, getting my bag for me. She glances back at me, indicating for me to follow and I'm lead through her living room to a small bathroom under the stairs. She hands me the bag and then opens the door for me. "I'll, uh... be upstairs changing into mine. Meet you back here in a few minutes."
"... kay." We stand still for an awkward moment, and then Kim turns and heads upstairs. I watch her go before closing the bathroom door behind me.
Once I'm alone again, the power of the experience hits me hard. I sink down to sit on the toilet, feeling dizzy. 'Place your head between your knees', runs through my head and I silently obey, my breath coming in short gasps. Oh God, what am I doing? What if we end up making love? People generally fall into bad after hot tubs on dates.. right? It is a seduction tool... She's trying to seduce me... I should run NOW. .... but, I don't want to. You don't? No. Shit!
The subsequent image of us making love, both wet and tousled from the hot tub, makes me gasp with an unbidden wave of passion. If you're not careful, you'll come right here in her bathroom. Mmmm, maybe that isn't such a bad idea. The masturbation scene from Something About Mary, enters my mind. It would relax me, that's for sure. It wouldn't be good if I go in there with all this pent up arousal. I bet I'd jump twenty feet if she so much as brushed my shoulders.
I lean my crutch against the wall and start pulling off my shoes, socks and then unzip my jeans. I pull them off, finding my underwear already wet. God, I'm wet. I've been wet from men before, but not like this... this is ridiculous.
Thankfully the bathroom is small, so I can brace my feet to either side of the toilet. I slide my hand in between my legs, feeling my own soft silkiness. I immediately imagine Kim's, wondering if it will feel different or the same. The thought illicits another rush of wetness and I open my mouth in a silent groan. My fingers easily find my familiar nerve endings and I'm shocked by how little pressure I need to apply for the appropriate responses.
It doesn't take long. Soon my head is thrown back, nearly cracking against the wall and my back arching into the air. The orgasm is a good one. The kind that grabs hold quickly, gradually climbs to a crescendo of sensations and then suddenly explodes from the skull and causing the body to writhe uncontrolled before the climax completes.
My lucidity, therefore, is somewhat removed when Kim gently taps on the door. "You ok in there? I heard a bang as I was coming down. I have a bigger bathroom upstairs, if this one is too small."
My heart jumps into my throat and I thank God for Kim's politeness as I realize I hadn't even locked the door. "Uh, no... I'm fine. I... I.... I'll be out in a minute." I hear her response through the door and then what I hope is the sound of her moving away from the general vicinity.
I slump against the toilet, panting slightly. That was close... not that she'd have minded finding me in such a position. I look down at my hands covered in my own juices. I better wash up ... and get changed before she has reason to suspect. Wouldn't want her to get any wrong ideas... I don't think I do anyway. Oh God, here goes nothing....
feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org, mention title.